Who the Hell Is Hank?

My name is Hank Hughes, and I hope that is the last time I will lie to you.

You see, I recently figured out why I was such a shitty writer. It’s because I was afraid to be vulnerable. Instead of sharing what was in my heart, I chose to write about politics, satirical pop culture puff pieces, and even some erotica. Stuff that would manufacture attention but never expose me to any true criticism. The romance stuff was pretty hot, and the satire bits got a few laughs, but ultimately everything I wrote left me feeling empty and dissatisfied. So, I just stopped writing.

The biggest (perceived) hurdle to living my most authentic life was the fear that I would hurt other people. How could I talk about being sexually abused as a child when my parents still don’t know what that monster did? How could I reflect on the stupid decisions I made in life without retraumatizing all the people I hurt? What if people didn’t like the real me? Would my children think less of me if they knew how often I used to think about killing myself? Would I get fired if my boss found out I routinely use massive amounts of illegal psychedelic substances to help heal my soul? It just seemed easier to lie to myself, and the dissonance almost destroyed me.

Then I remembered a scene in The Dark Knight Rises where Batman is helping officer John Blake (who will later become Robin) fight off some bad guys. Batman suggests if he is going to help him, he should consider wearing a mask. The young Robin quickly rejects his advice stating he is not afraid of anyone seeing his face. Then Batman says in his deep raspy voice: “The mask isn’t for you.”

That is when I decided the simplest way to be my authentic self was not to be me at all. So, I created Hank Hughes and started over with a completely anonymous digital persona. Now I have no excuse not to be real.

To be clear, Hank is not an alter ego. He is just the mask I choose to wear to protect the people I care about. Everything I share on this blog will be my truth and will come from my heart. It will be raw, messy, exaggerated, funny, scary, uncomfortable, and it will probably suck, but that doesn’t matter.

The irony is, underneath the Hank mask is probably the most authentic version of me that has ever existed, and I already feel inspired to write again. Maybe one day, when the world no longer needs my witty insights and crazy stories, I will feel comfortable revealing my true identity. Until then, I will remain…Hank Hughes the Hesitant Hippie.